If I had a dollar for every time
I have heard someone say, “Oh, you must have gotten into teaching because of
the summers off,” I’d be retired by now.
If you want to know the truth, I’m tired. Really tired.
Students work hard and teachers work hard. Long nights of grading papers, preparing
lessons, writing tests, reading the assigned texts…a lot of hours are required
beyond teaching an 8 hour day to get it all done. Last summer I also took several weeks of
continuing education classes which took a lot of time and mental energy. I’m looking forward to this summer vacation,
and I’m going to work hard to not feel guilty.
Where does this guilt come
from? Some of the guilt does come from
those outside voices that suggest that teachers have it “easy” because they
have summers off, but I also understand that they might not take into account
that a teacher’s workday is rarely a mere 8 hours long. However, I’m still easily annoyed by those
who seem quite assured that teachers really are on a cake walk. We’re not.
Likely, though, much of the
guilt comes from deep inside me. I
suspect I was a pretty easy kid to raise because my internal guilt alarms were
going off quite regularly, and those alarms prevented me from getting myself
into all kinds of trouble. I felt guilty
even before I had done anything wrong! So
yes, I am aware that I probably heap a lot of unnecessary guilt onto my own
head as I look down the road for the next 8 weeks and contemplate what I will
do with my summer. I have my standard
plans in order: Volunteering two
mornings at the Humane Society; spending at least one afternoon a week with my
adorable 91 year old gramma; reading the books that have been collecting dust
on my night stand; working in our yard…I’m excited about refueling my heart and
mind and spending quality time with my husband, family, and friends. I’m excited about waking up without an agenda
staring me in the face.
But I fear the moments when I
will feel guilty. This world moves at a
very fast pace, and I think I have somehow gotten trapped on the “busy
treadmill.” If I’m not doing something, I
feel unease. I catch myself
multi-tasking even when the lazy days of summer are upon me. I get anxious when I think I have somehow
wasted the day. But I’m starting to
think that there is a lot of soul value in just learning how to BE. This is on my to-do list for the summer (and
yes, I do see the irony of this):
Quieting my mind. Plan A is to
slow myself down. How can I get to a
place where I can just sit and enjoy the simple pleasures of this life? And even more challenging, how can I do this
without a panicked list of to-do’s flashing through my mind or getting up from
my quietude two minutes later to “do something productive”?
I have a feeling this is
going to be a bigger challenge than I have bargained for, but I am going to
practice some porch sitting, let the birdsong quiet my heart, and feel and
appreciate the sun on my face. And while I have a summer calendar dotted with
important and fulfilling things to do, one of the best things on that list is
to learn how to just BE.
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