Hope & Waiting....

Mandy has been gone since June.  It has been just over three months, and I still miss that corgi every day.  Each night when I climb the stairs to bed, I miss having her cut me off halfway up.  I miss seeing her sleeping form on her bed next to me.  Sometimes I still catch myself thinking I have let her outside and go to the door to bring her inside.  Oh right…Mandy’s not here.

I really miss her.

Since she passed, I have prayed that God would bring us another dog – the right dog at the right time.  In the past few weeks I have found that I can do an online search for corgis without feeling like a traitor.  I know that I love the Corgi breed.  I love their look, their feisty personality, their size…I was made for the Corgi breed, and they were made for me.  In fact, when I was in college, I distinctly remember talking to my sister on the phone while we both watched the Westminster Dog Show.  It was the first time I had seen a corgi, and I declared that one day I would have one of my own.  In 2002 that dream came true when we adopted Mandy from a family friend.  She didn’t know what to do with me at first.  She had been raised for two years with a bachelor.  He had taken her fishing and into the woods where he photographed nature.  She went to work with him at a lathe shop.  She knew men.  She didn’t know what to do with my girl voice and my girl demeanor.  Chad would leave for work and Mandy would sit by the door and cry.  I quickly learned that she enjoyed taking walks, so after Chad left I would snap on her leash and we would stroll the darkened neighborhood.  In short time she grew used to my feminine ways and we were bonded.  I’ll never forget the day all my dreams were realized.  Mandy and I climbed into our Dodge pickup (a dream that was also born while I was in college) to buy landscape materials at Lowe’s.  As I was driving home with my corgi by my side, heading home to my husband (who was my first kiss as a 16 year-old), I felt as if all my little hopes were coming together.  Simple things make up a happy life, and we were living it as country music played on the radio and summer sun warmed our faces. 

Recently I have been feeling small yearnings for another dog.  I take walks and feel an emptiness that I don’t have a dog to talk with and look after as we take adventurous jaunts off-trail.  I sit on the porch for some quiet reflection and wish I had a dog at my feet taking it all in with me. 

I feel very strongly about animal rescue.  I believe that buying a pet without first exploring local shelters and rescue groups is irresponsible.  But I also believe that finding the breed that fits with your family environment is very important.  I am torn between my love for a breed that rarely shows up in shelters and my love for giving a deserving, homeless pet a family to love. 

Meanwhile I continue to pray.  I strongly believe that God blessed us with Mandy, and that He actually cares about this.  I don’t know what His answer will be, or when, but I know that I will have a strong certainty when that moment arrives.  And maybe the answer will come in the form of a stubborn, goofy, ever-shedding Welsh corgi.  Or maybe it will come in the form of a shaggy mutt from a shelter.  Who knows?  Meanwhile, I feel an ache that is tinged with both past grief and future hope.  I can’t wait for the day the ache will be transformed, and I can’t wait to see what God has in store….