Mudita, a Buddhist concept,
can be defined as joy for someone else’s success. Here’s how Buddha defined it: Here, O, Monks, a disciple lets his mind pervade one
quarter of the world with thoughts of unselfish joy, and so the second, and so
the third, and so the fourth. And thus the whole wide world, above, below,
around, everywhere and equally, he continues to pervade with a heart of
unselfish joy, abundant, grown great, measureless, without hostility or
ill-will.
I don’t think you need to be Buddhist to see the value in this concept.
I confess that sometimes I am not terribly gracious. It is easy for me to feel envy when someone I
know (or even someone I don’t know) finds success that I wish I could
find. I felt more than a little burn of
envy when a group of people won a lottery worth millions…a lottery for which my
husband and I bought 2 tickets. Oh man…what
I could have done with those millions!
Woe is me. My mom just
retired. She completely deserves this
time of rest and renewal. I felt a pang
of jealousy when I left for my first day of school this August. And then I loathed myself for it. And then I got over it.
These moments of jealousy are the opposite of Mudita. Feeling sincere joy for someone else’s
success is something I am practicing. I
have a terrible tendency to compare myself against others, especially at work. Setting aside my personal insecurities to
celebrate (and dare I say brag about) my friends’ or coworkers’ successes is
absolutely worth kicking my own insecurities to the curb. But boy is it difficult.
We have a friend who taught me about Mudita many years ago…and he
probably didn’t even know it. His name
is Todd. Ages ago, dare I say ten years
ago, we were all hanging out in our boat, enjoying some fried chicken, shade in
“Duck Cove,” and conversations about everything under the sun. In fact, I don’t recall the precise subject,
but I was talking about somebody who had just won something or had just spent
an exorbitant amount of money on something…I don’t know….maybe we were talking about a celebrity
or something. So I enter this
conversation with a voice dripping with envy that is conveniently masked as
financial conservatism (i.e. “Can you believe what a waste of money that 25,000
square foot mansion is?), and Todd replies, “Isn’t that wonderful? What a cool thing that [enter name of
celebrity] is so good at his job that he can afford that mansion!”
I confess that I was quite taken aback…but silently and in my
mind. Why couldn’t I (wouldn’t I?) feel that
kind of unfettered joy for someone’s success?
(Answer: Because I was jealous
and insecure. Duh). I didn’t like that feeling very much, largely
because I was ashamed of myself.
I don’t want to be the kind of person who feels sour and bitter over
the accomplishments of others, even if I try to cloak it in some other
palatable emotion or context. I want to
feel deep MUDITA for others. Deep,
unselfish happiness…what can be better than a pure emotion such as this?
Today I practiced this in a small way.
I wore a cute pink and black striped dress to school today. I’ll admit that it was quite stylish for a
person such as myself (who finds jeans and a hoodie to be sufficient for
everyday activities). As I was leaving
the building, some of my lovely students complimented me on my fashion
sense. I thanked them, then added, “I’m
taking a cue from Dr. LeBlanc,” I said. “Now
she is one stylish lady!” And you
know what? It’s true. Dr. LeBlanc is the funniest, spunkiest, most
stylish teacher I know. She would be
easy to envy. She has wild, red curly
hair, she is probably the most un-self-conscious person I know. She is full of joy and laughter. And she always thinks of others when I am too
busy to look up from my computer screen.
But instead of being mopey or jealous or insecure, I would rather celebrate what a wonderful teacher and human
being she really is.
Want another confession? It felt
really good to send my insecurities packing and celebrate someone else’s
fabulousity, even in such a small way.
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