Let’s List our Life Lessons!

Well, another week is in the bucket, and I’m feeling like life is moving way too quickly.  When I was a kid, I remember that time felt like it went very slowly.   I could get a whole lot done during my weekends as an industrious seven year old.   I could build forts, read a Ramona Quimby book, eat a pounder bag of MnM’s, watch some television, wash the dog, paint that same (very patient) dog’s toenails, ride my bike, destroy my room, and still have half a Saturday left to burn.  These days I feel like I’m running around with my hair on fire.  As a child during Christmas, time would tick slowly as I waited for the day I could rip the wrapping paper off my presents.  My mom told me that the older I got, the faster time would go.  I didn’t understand it then, but I sure do now. 

We have a veritable buffet of information in front of us on a daily basis now.  The news moves from one catastrophe to the next in under 30 seconds, we are bowled over by countless advertisements, and make innumerable decisions each day.  It’s a lot to digest.

I want life to slow down, because I’m afraid I’m going to forget useful lessons I’ve learned or miss something noteworthy. 

Just recently I saw a post on Facebook that came from a 2006 article written by columnist Regina Bretts.  I her article, Bretts lists the top lessons she has learned throughout her life.  After a quick Google search I learned that, despite the Facebook post’s claim that she was 90 years old, she was in fact under 50 when she wrote the column, and then she updated the list as she was nearing her 50^th birthday (I’ve posted a link to her original article at the end of this week’s blog if you’d like to check it out).

I got inspired by the contents of her list, and thought I should perhaps start recording my own lessons learned.  As I grow older and exponentially wiser (insert my self-deprecating eye-roll here), I can add to the list, and then gift it to some lucky soul when I kick the proverbial bucket.  That way they don’t have to make all the silly mistakes I have throughout the years. 

So, below is the start to my list, and I encourage all of you to make your own.  Maybe we can share our ideas, hone them, and make the greatest list of lessons the world has ever seen.  Let the wisdom flow!

1.      Humor is perhaps the greatest quality in a spouse.

2.      God hears and answers our prayers.

3.      A little bit of exercise is better than no exercise at all.

4.      If there are Oreos in the pantry, just go ahead and eat them.

5.      You probably spend more energy procrastinating than you would just doing the thing you’re trying to avoid in the first place.

6.      Being honest is always better in the long run than telling a lie or avoiding the truth for the sake of peace.  Truth trumps peace.

7.      Never trust a man who doesn’t like cats.

8.      Porch sitting and porch talking are "small-town activities" that everyone should do regularly.

9.      Life’s too short to get worked up by little things.

10.   Give hugs and receive hugs often.

11.   If someone wants to do something nice for you, let them, because it is making them happy in turn.  And say thank you.

12.   Listen to the stories of your elders because they have a lot of wisdom to share.

13.   Talk less, listen more.

14.   Be curious and ask a lot of questions.

15.   When in the midst of a crisis, ask yourself, “What is the worst case scenario?”  This will allow you to either make a plan for that disaster, or you might even find that a worst case scenario isn’t that earth-shattering after all.

16.   You don’t need a crowd of friends to be happy.  All you need are a few quality friends who know you deeply.

17.   Breakfast for dinner is an excellent comfort food.

18.   Fresh sheets tucked in properly make for a superior sleep experience.

19.   Pray first.  Always.

20.   Ask yourself what you would do if you weren’t afraid.  Then do it.

21.   Marry your best friend.

22.   Cheap is usually expensive.

23.   Tell the important people in your life that you love them and what you’ve learned from them.

24.   Volunteering is good for the soul.  Find ways to give back to your community.

25.   Don’t judge people based on what you see on the outside.  You don’t know what sort of burdens they are carrying on the inside.

Here is the link to the article, “Regina Brett's 45 life lessons and 5 to grow on”  Read it and get inspired!

http://www.cleveland.com/brett/blog/index.ssf/2006/05/regina_bretts_45_life_lessons.html

Take Responsibility....

I work with many excellent people at the charter school where I teach.  One of those people has been at the school since its inception back in 1999.  His name is Glenn, and he has been the financial manager from the very beginning, back when we had one building and three modulars (two of which were classrooms when I was a student at Hayden Elementary back in the early 1980’s).  During my first year of teaching at the charter school, in 2001, Glenn said something at a staff meeting that really stuck with me:   “Create your own environment or someone will create it for you.”  What I took that to mean was that we were being empowered to shape not only our classroom environment, but our entire school environment as well.  The shape of things to come was in our hands. 

I have thought often of those words, and it reminds me that the tone and “climate” of my classroom is not something that just happens each year, but it’s something I shape, whether I am aware of it or not.  This week I came across a quote that added to Glenn’s wisdom.  I already mentioned that I subscribe to a neat website called “Habit Forge.”  This week the site sent me the following quote: 

"Take full responsibility for your environment and behaviors. Everything you do sets you up for success or puts another obstacle in your way."  

This quote added another layer to Glenn’s wisdom.  Not only is the shape of our environment in our own hands, but the stresses of our environment are in our hands as well.  This is not to say that nebulous “outside forces” don’t sometimes interrupt the flow of our lives, but I suspect that more often than not, WE interrupt the flow all by ourselves, either because of inaction or because we have taken the wrong action. 

“Everything you do sets you up for success or puts another obstacle in your way.”  There is profound wisdom in this concept.  For instance, I currently have (no joke) two boxes and one stuffed backpack full of papers to grade.    While I would really like to totally goof off all weekend long, I now have to spend probably a good 8 hours at the dining room table plowing through the stacks.  Could I blame all kinds of evil outside forces on my suffering?  Sure.  But when I’m honest with myself, I know that yesterday evening I decided to go to bed early instead of tackling a set of papers.  I was so tired, I just couldn’t help myself.  But as I lay my head on my super soft down pillow, I knew I was now going to have to work on Memorial Day.  But I’ll make it fun, put a good movie on, make some snacks, celebrate each vanquished pile of papers with cheers and pats on my back.  I, in essence, put an obstacle in my own path.  And while I was completely aware of this particular obstacle, I wonder how many barriers I put in my own way without even realizing it.  I would say that most of my personal barriers are due to inaction, primarily because (truth be told) I lean toward laziness and procrastination.  Today I concentrated every free moment, prep period, and break to grading projects, and I was quickly reminded how efficiently I can grade when I stay focused.  All that misery I caused myself worrying about it this week would have been gone if I had just followed Nike’s advice to “Just Do It!” 

I plan to tuck this thought from Habit Forge into my memory bank for future examination.  While it would really be more fun to just blame some external force for all of my suffering, when I get honest with myself I think I’ll find the culprit happens to look just like me, bags under her eyes and all.  And so I think I will habitually ask myself:  What am I doing to set myself up for success?  Keep doing those things!  What am I doing that is creating barriers?  Find and obliterate them!   

Take Refuge...

When my dad lived in the family farmhouse on the Rathdrum prairie, our view was rolling hills of barley or alfalfa; our air conditioning was a breeze rustling through the grass; our music was birdsong floating across the acres.  My brother and I spent a lot of time playing outside, building forts, climbing trees, and running through the sprinkler.  Our skin was permanently streaked with dirt and our hands sticky with sap.  Sunrays bathed us in summer warmth and we were free…free of worry or to-do lists.  We were free to run and play and get knee-deep in nature. 

I think this is why I love nature so much to this day.  Fields and forest were our jungle gym.  The forts we built were our castles.  To this day, nature speaks to me on a visceral level and soothes my soul.  God speaks to people in the way that makes the most sense to them, and I know He speaks to me through His creation.  I have always said that the trees grow upward because they are reaching out for their Creator.  I look for my Creator in the beautiful world around me, and it is here that I usually feel the Spirit speak.

One late summer afternoon my dad put a sprinkler out on the lawn.  It was the fountain kind that is created by a very basic metal sprinkler head that has two holes in the top and sits flat on the ground.  The water sprays upward and arcs back down, watering a circular area of grass.  Looking out the kitchen window, I saw a sight that has stuck with me ever since.   Outside in the rain of water was a bird…I think perhaps a mourning dove…and her two babies.  Her young were fully feathered and probably learning how to fend for themselves.  It was a hot day.  The three had found the sprinkler and, like my brother and me so many times before, sought to cool off in the gentle spray.  The dove was doing something unusual, however, which had caught my attention in the first place.  As her young enjoyed the cool arcs of water, she was standing behind them, her wings outstretched.  At first I thought that perhaps she had been wounded somehow, that something had happened to her, but as I watched I realized that she was, in fact, protecting her young.  As they enjoyed the cool water and hopped about tentatively on the lawn, their mother was standing vigil behind them, keeping them safely ensconced in her wings.  She was vigilant, single-minded, and focused.  Her sole endeavor was to keep her babies safe.  It was a sight that kept me in rapt attention at the window even though I was only a teenager.

This, I now realize, is how God views us.  He is vigilant, He is focused, and His concern is for our safety.  He guards our souls as surely as that mama dove guarded her offspring against harm.  It’s a wonderful visual to carry and meditate on in times of need.  And so I hope that I can enjoy the cool rain and warm sunshine without fear, knowing that I have God’s vast and strong wings wrapped around me.  And so it is with you as well.  My prayer is that you will take joy in the wide wings of the Lord.

 

Psalm 91:1-4
He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”
 For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
    and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
    and under his wings you will find refuge…

The Truth Really Does Set You Free...

We all hate being lied to.  When someone stretches the truth, builds fiction around some granule of fact, or straight-up lies, there’s a feeling of betrayal that strikes at the heart.  We’ve all been there:  you’ve asked someone something and the response just doesn’t “ring true.”  We can usually sense deep down when someone is trying to pull the wool over our eyes.  People who lie actually prevent real relationships from forming.  Because how can you build a real relationship with someone who isn’t honest?  All of these things are pretty much givens.  I’m not saying anything profound, but I’ve been giving a lot of thought to good old honesty lately.  I try to live an honest life with my friends and family.  But (to be honest) I’ve found that I’m evasive when I am afraid of hurting someone’s feelings.  I’ll find a way to skirt an issue or duck around the truth if I think the truth might cause hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or a conflict.  I’m beginning to rethink this façade of kindness.  Though it seems kind and protective of me (at least as I try to justify it in my own mind), it’s actually harmful.  I'm preventing the relationship from being genuine and open.  And who wants a relationship that isn't real?

I also started wondering just how honest I am with myself.  How often do I lie to myself and actually believe it?  Sometimes I fear that I have been so eager to please others that I don’t fully know what I want or think for myself. 

I happened across Luke 16 this week, and verse 10 really struck me:  “One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much, and one who is dishonest in a very little is also dishonest in much.”  Little lies lead to bigger lies, and pretty soon the truth is caked over with heavy layers of uncertainty.  I think, though, that truthfulness is powerful, and just as one lie can lead to another and another, truth can multiply and grow and become effortless and freeing. 

When I “let it all hang out,” my relationships are deeper.  I am not hiding anything.  I am trusting those I care about to love me no matter what, and I am allowing them to see me in the full light of day.  I'm also inviting them to be honest with me.  We all know that the best friends on earth will tell us the truth (and also when we have something stuck in our teeth).  And while sometimes the truth does indeed hurt, it doesn’t always have to be brutal.  The more I strive for honesty even when I’m afraid it might cause conflict, the lighter my heart feels. 

When I Am Weak, Then I am Strong...

I have a lot of flaws.  Let me enumerate a sampling for you:

1.      Though I am a teacher and talk in front of people all day long, I get stammer-y, cotton-mouthed, and tongue-tied when I speak in front of groups of people.  Despite my best efforts to curtail this, it is a miracle when I actually speak in front of the public without looking like an idiot.

2.      I am very serious.  It’s hard for me to loosen up and just laugh sometimes. 

3.      My natural state is quite lazy. 

4.      I procrastinate.  A lot.

5.      I have a lousy memory.  If I don’t write something down, it’ll be gone in mere minutes.  Currently there is a note taped to the dashboard of my Subaru shouting OIL CHANGE!  at me in all caps.

6.      When someone offends me in a serious way, it is practically impossible for me to get past that on an emotional level.  Even if I want to just put the offense behind me and move on, it is very difficult to get my emotions to follow suit.

7.      Though I don’t think I’m stupid, it takes me a long time to process complicated (or semi-complicated) topics.  Take my mutual fund, for instance.  I listen intently to my financial planner, but my brain kind of blanks out and I lose track of the facts.  I am slow...

8.      I let my desk drawers get cluttered, and I wish I was more naturally organized.  I have to wrangle the pantry into an organized state at least every 3 to 4 months, but slowly over time it will become disorganized again.

9.      I’m not very competitive.  I lack a healthy “killer instinct” because I’m too laid-back.

Okay, there are probably many more things, but this list is what came to mind in the past 5 minutes.  I have fought against my flaws for years.  I have, in fact, conquered several of my flaws and eradicated them from my life.  For instance, in my teens and twenties, when I would get angry with someone (a boyfriend, for instance) I would completely shut down.  I would not (could not?) talk about it.  Instead, I would “kill ‘em with silence.”  And I mean for hours or days.  I never liked this about myself, and with a whole lot of will-power and prayer, I have really gotten past that unpleasant personality trait. 

But let’s face it:  Some flaws are such a part of our make-up we are probably stuck with them.   I don’t think I can ever take enough Toast Master speaking courses to actually get over my cotton-mouthed fear of public speaking.  Despite my innate desire to remember all the things I need to accomplish in a week, I’m still probably going to have to tape notes to my car keys and dashboard or I will forget them.  And here's a whopper:  I am working my butt off to get past my feelings about someone I work with who did something seriously shady, but I don’t know if I will ever want to be in the same room with her no matter how hard I try to “get over it.” 

I came across a quote this week that spoke to me regarding flaws.  In her book of essays titled Waiting for God, Simone Weil (who, though raised in a Jewish, middle-class family, worked at a an inner-city factory) chronicles her conversion to Christianity as a young woman.  “I think that it is useless to fight directly against natural weaknesses. One has to force oneself to act as though one did not have them in circumstances where a duty makes it imperative; and in the ordinary course of life one has to know these weaknesses, prudently take them into account, and strive to turn them to good purpose; for they are all capable of being put to some good purpose.”  I’m not gonna lie.  I had to read this quote several times to make sure I understood it properly.  What Weil is saying, I think, is that we humans can’t always fight against our natural weaknesses.  Sometimes will-power is not enough for us to overcome traits or flaws that are an innate part of who we are.  Sometimes it just is what it is. 

However, Weil doesn’t take an apathetic stance here either.  She goes on to say that at the very least we need to be aware of our weaknesses, take honest stock of those weaknesses, and see what we can do with (not in spite of) our weaknesses.  She says that our personal weaknesses can be put to good purpose.  I love this outlook on life.  Instead of being ashamed of my various and sundry flaws, I need to see how those flaws can be useful in my life. 

Today, the serious side of my nature really took stock of this concept as I sat in an early morning staff meeting.  The person I am having serious struggles with at work was across the room from me but within my peripheral vision.  I don’t want to be plagued with bad feelings for this person.  Rather, I want to have NO feelings for her at all.  I would be happy if I felt absolutely nothing for her.  In fact, I am really ashamed of myself that I have so little emotional self-control.  Instead, I sat there in that meeting and began to mentally stew.  I hate that I wasted even 5 minutes in a staff meeting on feeling anything about her.  So I started to pray.  I found the words of the Apostle Paul come to mind from 2 Corinthians 12: “…a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from becoming conceited.   Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me.   But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.   For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”  Keeping the words of Simone Weil in mind, I realized in that staff meeting that although I am not proud of this kind of evil aspect of myself, there is a good purpose in all of it.  Struggling against my nature and asking God to help me in my weakness is most certainly strengthening my faith.  And I am proud of the fact that I am alert to my inner nature and not just succumbing to it.  Instead, I’m striving to be a better person, and that is never wasted effort!  Fortunately, this particular struggle is mostly internal.  I doubt anyone at work (other than a few friends with whom I have confided) even know I feel the way I do. 

Having weaknesses is not the same as being weak.  In fact, being aware of our weaknesses and finding their good purpose can actually be incredibly powerful.